It has been really ages since my last entry. Well, I guess my mind has changed a lot already. The time at which I wrote the last entry was definitely the hell of my life. Now at least I feel that I have gained back some control of my life.
Having dinner with my friends some time ago, I told them that last year was complicated. The term "complicated" probably didn't fulfill their curiosity and they asked for elaboration. I became speechless because I lacked the language to explain the complicated life that I had gone through.
There have been many times at which I saw an opposite me. Maybe I used to be a person whom some people describe as very strong, positive, dedicated, caring, careful...... In this year, my experience totally disproved these qualities.
I used to think I had unlimited courage to overcome my challenges. Probably I was too optimistic and a bit unrealistic. Indeed it took me an extraordinarily long time to be honest to myself, accept the new perspectives that I looked at myself and make changes to adapt. Now I know that my confidence builds up at a super slow speed.
At this moment, I will say some but not the entire "me" has come back. There is enough component for me to live a normal life. I can't guarantee whether I will feel complete again or when I will achieve that. It's possible the new "me" will replace the old one. But then, this may be how life should be. The nature of me may be ever-changing. Just hope I will get in love with myself, no matter whether the old or the new me.
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